So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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