I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
