I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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