I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
