I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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