I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
