it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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