ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
