She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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