I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
