Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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