i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
