There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
