I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
