No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
