I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
