i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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