Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can text with my tongue
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
