People in love make me want to vomit
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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