Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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