How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
