i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
