I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
