She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
