I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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