Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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