where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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