You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
