New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
