I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
