i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
