Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
