why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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