I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
