I'm jealous of your bromance
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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