You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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