i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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