does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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