If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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