I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im holly from the hills drunk
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
