A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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