someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
