he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
