we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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