You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
