I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
