If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
