I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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