like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
