Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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