don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
