I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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