Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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