I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
